A New Year's Resolution for Parents
Saturday December 27, 2008
Like everyone else, I’ve been mulling New Year’s resolutions. I was talking recently with college stress expert Maria Pascucci, founder of CampusCalm.com, and she made a comment that has lingered with me. She says our teens learned to be stressed-out from, ahem, us - their well-intentioned parents who want only the best for our beloved children. But that constant pressure to get good grades, get into a good college, and succeed at all costs makes kids believe that self-worth is measured by GPA. They focus on their deficiencies, and never stop to enjoy their successes. It's always about what comes next, never what is. “We’ve been raised to believe," Pascucci says, "that every achievement we earn is simply a stepping stone to the next level of success. We chase the gold stars and buy into myths.”And our kids learn to manage stress by observing their workaholic parents ... who work 24/7 and never take a break. “Or if you do take a break," she says, "you feel guilty about it. Kids look to parents for cues on how to balance work and fun. Show them that you love yourselves enough to make time for self-care.”
So I’d like to suggest this New Year’s resolution: while we’re working on helping our children de-stress their lives, let's model some of those healthy habits ourselves, the ones we want our teens to learn – let's get enough exercise, eat healthfully, sleep enough, and, in Pascucci’s words, “ditch the inner perfectionist.” Balance work and play. Have fun. We owe it to our kids. Need more ideas? Here's a round-up of fun things to do with your teens over winter break. And more ideas from Pascucci, our Campus Calm guru.
This post is part of the All About Parenting Blog Carnival for January.
Comments
Our bad habits, especially how we handle stress, can definitely rub off on others. We don’t think of that often, but that is a good reason to get stress under control.
As far as New Years Resolutions go, I’ve finally figured out how to make resolutions that I actually keep all year and beyond! To see some of these tips, visit:
http://www.ourstressfullives.com/new-years-resolutions.html
Happy New Year,
Jill R.
My 17 yo daughter and I actually had a conversation about overscheduling kids this morning. She said she’s only going to let them do a musical instrument and a physical sport. (She does violin and tae kwon do.) I got a good laugh but thought it was good for her to plan ahead. I feel like at 17 I only have so much time left to teach her things.
I couldn’t agree more about the importance of work-life balance. Teenagers and young adults are under so much pressure to achieve, and it’s even more stressful with the economy the way it is. How can we expect them to value balanced lives if we don’t model that same behavior?
I love the comment, “ditch the inner perfectionist.” How true!
I’m guilty as charged. Although I’m not as much of a workaholic as my parents were, I’m still doing it. Thanks for reminding us that we need to watch the message we send to our kids with our Type A work styles.
Oh so true! We’re awfully hard on ourselves and we never celebrate our successes the way we should. We can all learn to take a breather, right?
Balance work and play - that is the key, I agree.