Letters are going out at this very minute announcing college housing assignments, including the name of the stranger with whom your child will be living for the next year. And soon, college deans will be fielding calls from anxious parents who peeked at junior's roommate on Facebook and were appalled by what they found. So here are five tips on what parents can do - and not do - to help their children finesse that first contact.
- Encourage Your Child to Make Contact. Facebook is a great way for teens to meet new roommates in an easy and low-key fashion, especially if you let them do it on their own. They'll see what their new roommate looks like - or wants the world to think he looks like - and what his interests are. For many kids, it's a much easier and less wordy way to communicate than phone or e-mail. And by joining his college's "Class of 20XX" group, your child can also meet the kids down the hall.
- Don't Go on Facebook. Your kid? Yes. You? No. If your child wants to show you a photo or share something, that's fine, but keep in mind that that the new roomie's profile picture may be his Halloween costume, or his idea of irony. Practice saying, "Oh, he looks nice!" or "Oh, he looks intriguing!" or, last resort, "Well, you can't judge a book by its cover. I'm sure it will all work out." And realize that at this very moment, your child's roommate's mother is looking at your child's profile and saying, "Oh. My. God."
- Don't Call the College. Part of the college experience is learning to live with someone else. Let your child have that experience. You don't want to be That Parent, anyway, the one whose calls leave college officials rolling their eyes and muttering about helicopters. With very few exceptions, housing officials don't change a dorm assignment until students have actually tried living together for a week or two. And they won't change roommate arrangements because you called - the request has to come from your child.
- Don't Decorate the Dorm Room. Tempting as it is to coordinate the dorm decor for your child - everyone wants pink bobble trim, right? - exercise a little restraint. It's their room. Plus, dorm decor and the all-important "Who's bringing the Wii?" question give new roommates something to talk about.
- Relax. It's intimidating to room with a stranger. Keep things light. Hand your child a dorm survival book, such as Harlan Cohen's hilarious, practical "The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College." Truth is, the vast majority of roommate pairings turn out perfectly fine. A laid-back approach to the process can be wonderfully contagious. And if roomie turns out to be dreadful, well, there's a silver lining to that too.
